A One Mann’s Movies review of “Venom: The Last Dance” (2024).
Marvel at the moment really is like a decaying corpse bits dropping off it into cinemas for the vultures to peck at. “Venom: The Last Dance” is the swan song in the trilogy of Eddie Brock / Venom films and, given this offering, “thank God for that” is what I say.
Bob the Movie Man Rating:
“Venom: The Last Dance” Plot Summary:
It turns out that the symbiants were created by some creature called Knull (a CGI’d Andy Serkis) who got put on the naughty step by his creations in some prison on a distant planet called somethingorother (I didn’t catch it). To escape, he needs to have access to a “Codex” which only Eddie Brock/Venom (Tom Hardy) have got because blah, blah, blah, waffle, waffle, waffle, McGuffin, McGuffin, McGuffin. Knull has a bunch of nasty indestructible pets that he sends through wormholes in space to arrive on earth in the right multiverse to find Brock. Meanwhile, Brock is wanted for the attempted murder of Detective Mulligan (Stephen Graham).
Certification:
UK: 15; US: PG-13. (From the BBFC web site: “Strong violence, language”).
My personal view is that this is one that the BBFC have rather over-egged. Most of the “strong violence” seems to relate to the monsters eating victims and spewing their bloody remains out of their ‘gills’. Yes, this is yucky. But it’s no worse than the snowplough scene (“he certainly had lots of guts”) in “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”… and that is a “PG”! Note that it is PG-13 in the US. I think this could have been a 12A here and the film would frankly have been more fitting for that 12 to 15 sort of age range.)
Talent:
Starring: Tom Hardy, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Juno Temple, Rhys Ifans, Stephen Graham, Peggy Lu, Clark Backo, Alanna Ubach, Cristo Fernández, Andy Serkis.
Directed by: Kelly Marcel.
Written by: Kelly Marcel.
Running Time: 1h 49m.
“Venom: The Last Dance” Summary:
Positives:
- The finale fight was moderately entertaining.
Negatives:
- Random scenes – many of which are supposed to be funny but just aren’t – are thrown together into something laughingly called a “plot”.
- The essence of the story – that this “McGuffin” codex thing is only visible when Venom completely changes – seems utterly stupid and convenient.
- I can’t remember the last time I saw such a talented cast so wasted in a movie.
Review of “Venom: The Last Dance”:
What does it all mean Basil?
This story seems to have been randomly created by an AI that sucked in as input all the shittest Marvel and DC movies. The attempt to create an ongoing uber-villain in Knull seems pitiful. This prison he seems to have been put in is clearly not very secure if he can create these symbiant-killer “Xenophage” creatures in his free-time and allow them to pop through portals at will (yet he can’t escape that way??). I’d have a word with the warden.
Then there is the McGuffin ‘codex’ thingamajig which VERY CONVENIENTLY can only be seen by the symbiant-killers when Venom has completely taken over Eddie. (“What? Let me get this straight. So this codex is not even glimmering a bit at 70% when he’s got multiple tentacles and his head out?”. “No, of course not stupid… it has to be 100%”).
“If either Venom or Brock dies then the codex dies with them” – WHY??
It’s total bollocks I’m afraid.
Tumbleweeds rolling through.
A whole bunch of scenes are supposed to be hilarious and, for me, simply are not. I sat there stony faced. No, that’s not true. A few times I rolled my eyes as well.
There’s a cocktail-making scene that is extremely unfunny. (Eddie then gets blown back into ‘our’ multiverse again for reasons I didn’t frankly understand). Then there’s a bizarre disco version of “Dancing Queen” with Venom doing an aerial dance with Mrs Chen (Peggy Lu) (who is randomly on holiday in Las Vegas and somehow staying in the Paris penthouse?!). This landed like a lead weight with me.
The only routine that worked (just a little bit) for me was the family of Martin (Rhys Ifans) singing “Space Oddity” in the mini-van en route to Vegas. That was quite amusing and gave the story a bit of much needed heart.
Were they contractually obligated to do this?
Tom Hardy; Stephen Graham; Chiwetel Ejiofor; Rhys Ifans; Juno Temple. What’s not to love? But what were they all doing in this? I could understand that Hardy and Graham were perhaps obligated to do it, following on from “Venom: Let There Be Carnage“. But what’s the other’s excuse? Did they read this script? Or was the pension fund just looking a bit light?
I mean, they’re all great actors. Ejiofor in particular as Strickland has SUCH screen presence and Graham is as strong as ever, reprising his role of the Carnage-infected Mulligan.
I also particularly enjoyed Clark Backo’s performance as the Christmas-loving Sadie who I thought at one point might be the chosen chalice to carry forward the Venom franchise onto future films (something I wouldn’t have objected to.)
So what DID you enjoy Dr Bob?
In a swamp of disappointment, I will mention that the finale showdown in Area 51 is quite entertaining and well-done. Will Brock survive or perish? You are never certain.
In addition there are a few good needle drops including Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” and Cat Steven’s “Wild World”.
Mindlessly redundant “Dancing Queen” sequence. Like, why would he go “full Venom” when he knows the nasties will show up? Nonsense! (Source: Columbia Pictures)
Monkeys?
It’s a Marvel movie, so there are two monkeys: one mid-credit and one end-credit scene. Neither of them are particularly thrilling, but both imply more to come in the future from this universe. Sadly, you have to set through hundreds and hundreds of names to get to that final monkey, all accompanied by some pretty appalling crap – sorry – rap music that set my teeth on edge.
Summary Thoughts on “Venom: The Last Dance”
“This is serious” says Sadie at one point, seriously. No. It really isn’t. It’s not serious. It’s not scary. It’s not funny. It’s just “MEH”. Unless you are a Marvel completist, my recommendation would be to avoid… go and see “Emilia Pérez” instead.
Where to Watch it (Powered by Justwatch)
Trailer for “Venom: The Last Dance”:
The trailer is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyIyd9joTTc.
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