A One Mann’s Movies review of “X-Men: Dark Phoenix” (2019).
It’s got all of the credentials, but none of the heart. The latest big-budget X-Men film is curiously un-engaging.
Bob the Movie Man’s Rating:
Certification:
UK: 12; US: PG-13.
The plot
Professor Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) has achieved an uneasy truce with the US President (Brian d’Arcy James), maintaining that position by donating his team’s work to the country as a sort of superhero ‘International Rescue’. He even has a hotline phone on his desk. In their latest mission, they help the crew of a space shuttle in trouble who have encountered a powerful space anomaly. During the rescue, the young Jean Grey (Sophie Turner from “Game of Thrones”) absorbs all of the energy from the phenomenon and comes back a changed woman.
Because you’re worth it. But Jean (Sophie Turner) couldn’t help thinking that the new skin cream might have needed a tad more lab testing. (Source: 20th Century Fox).
Struggling with her own mental state, this ‘Dark Phoenix’ becomes a force that threatens everyone around her including the X-Men. But there’s a greater threat to the whole planet, with a team of aliens, led by their leader, Vuk (Jessica Chastain), also laying claim to the Phoenix’s powers.
The problem with prequels.
This “First Class” timeline is all very well, but a key issue is that we all know that we end up at the story-line of Bryan Singer‘s original X-Men from 2000. So any threat against most of the characters in this film is meaningless since we know they make it to the original product: Xavier emerges as Patrick Stewart; Grey emerges as Famke Janssen; Magneto (Michael Fassbender) emerges as Ian McKellen; Storm (Alexandra Shipp) emerges as Halle Berry; etc.
Magneto (Michael Fassbender), well overdue for that dentist appointment. (Source: 20th Century Fox).
None of this is helped by a screenplay (by John Byrne and Chris Claremont) that is clunkingly predictable. The pre-titles sequence of the recent (and much better) “Shazam!” seemed already familiar when I saw that, but is here replicated almost perfectly (DC/Marvel industrial espionage? Or just a bizarre coincidence?)
As a general rule, I think if you are EVER travelling along a single carriageway road with a child in the back seat* and you get that “pre-title sequence” vibe, then it’s ALWAYS advisable to pull over, grab a coffee, and generally wait until you hear some stirring music before hitting the road again! (* Obvs, the child will be sitting in the middle seat….. because the middle seat is ALWAYS more comfortable that either of the two window seats (LOL)),
The rest of the plot almost writes itself, and everything you expect to happen pretty much does (not helped by the fact that one of the twists is absurdly spoiled by the trailer).
Holy Zuk! Sophie Turner and Jessica Chastain have a bonding moment.
(Source: 20th Century Fox).
Coasting actors
As if already giving up on the paper-thin script, most of the actors seem to turn up for the pay-cheque: even Jennifer Lawrence, James McAvoy, Jessica Chastain and Nicholas Hoult appear lacklustre and wooden. The only actors that really made any sort of impression were Sophie Turner, reprising her role from “X-Men: Apocalypse” and clearly putting in the effort to jump from small screen to big, and Michael Fassbender who at least adds a bit of much needed gravitas to proceedings.
Cyclops (Tye Sheridan), Xavier (James McAvoy), Nightcrawler (Kodi Smit-McPhee) and Storm (Alexandra Shipp) out in the park at night.
(Source: 20th Century Fox).
Hats off to the Smrz!
I’m afraid much of the blame must be put down to Simon Kinberg, who’s produced a lot of great movies but has this as his directorial debut. The pacing left me feeling quite bored in places. I even noticed the obvious fan-boy sitting next to me (one of a set of three!) glance at his watch a couple of times towards the end.
The only time when things became more energised was during a relatively exciting train sequence, where 2nd assistant director Brian Smrz (clearly a stuntman by trade) took the reins. This part of the film actually worked well. It was notable that a brief scene where Nightcrawler (Kodi Smit-McPhee) expressed remorse over the fate of a guard jolted you into the realisation that you’d just seen – you know – ACTUAL, rather than fake, emotion on the screen!
“Must return this Star Trek uniform to the fancy dress shop before closing”. Jennifer Lawrence, for once, fails to impress as Mystique.
(Source: 20th Century Fox).
No, no monkey!
Overall, this is not a truly terrible movie as a piece of popcorn escape entertainment, but it really could and should have been a whole lot sharper. Ask me in three months time and I will struggle to tell you anything about this one.
By the way, “over 15,000 people were involved in the making of this film” it says at the end of the interminable end-title roll, which goes to explain why the budget was $200 million: a figure I suspect they will struggle to recoup. And after sitting through those end-titles – purely for the good of you, dear reader – I can confirm that there is no “monkey” at the end of it. However, it also does allow me to make one final positive comment about the film: the score by Hans Zimmer was a real humdinger, and I will be seeking out the soundtrack on my streaming channel of choice for a second listen.
Trailer:
Note that there is quite a spoiler in the trailer: well, to the extent that I’d made an assumption about a plot point from a snippet in there, and was proved right!
