A One Mann’s Movies review of “Megalopolis” (2024).
“Megalopolis” is highly prentious crap. I know it upsets a lot of people if I ever use the “P-word” in a critical review. They rail “oh, you don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t understand what the word means”. Well, yes, I do and to be absolutely clear, it means (from the Collins English Dictionary):
I would argue with anyone that “Megalopolis” squarely falls into the definition of something that is trying to seem important and significant while completely failing to deliver. (And the great get out clause with the dictionary definition is the “you…. think”, so it IS my view and what you think doesn’t matter. Yah, boo, sucks!)
Bob the Movie Man Rating:
Plot Summary:
We are in “New Rome”, modelled on present day New York. Cesar Catilina (Adam Driver) has won the Nobel prize for creating a new lightweight and incredibly strong building material calls Megalon. As head of the “Design Authority” for the city, he attempts to revolutionise living conditions but runs into feuds with the powerful parties that run the city.
Certification:
UK: 15; US: R. (From the BBFC web site: “Strong language, violence, sex, drug misuse”.)
Talent:
Starring: Adam Driver, Giancarlo Esposito, Nathalie Emmanuel, Aubrey Plaza, Shia LaBeouf, Jon Voight, Laurence Fishburne, Talia Shire, Jason Schwartzman, Kathryn Hunter, Grace VanderWaal, Dustin Hoffman.
Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola.
Written by: Francis Ford Coppola.
Running Time: 2h 18m.
“Megalopolis” Summary:
Positives:
- Sorry, I’m out.
Negatives:
- A bonkers story making no sense at all.
- Diabolical dialogue.
- Appallingly bad acting from major names that should know better.
- Some truly terrible special effects.
- Terribly boring and over-long.
Review of “Megalopolis”:
I had been warned!
My friend, the Reverend Andy Godfrey, begged me not to go and see this film. This was after Mark Kermode in his “Kermode and Mayo” podcast ripped it a new one declaring it to be “one of the worst films I have EVER seen”. But I like to experience things for myself. Often films like this are in the “so bad, it’s good” bucket. But not this one. It is just plain terrible. From the overly portentious opening with Adam Driver spouting Shakespeare (poorly) on a gantry and eye-wateringly terrible dialogue being spouted by everyone else, you realise that this is going to be a long 140 minutes.
For the story is totally bonkers. It makes no sense at all. It’s all supposed to be some Roman historical drama transferred into New York as a parody of “The Fall of the American Empire”, which might have made a good film, but this isn’t it! It ends up being about a lot of boring men (and the occasional token woman) standing around in rooms pontificating about philosophy.
Within this drivel, Cesar (Adam Driver) somehow has the power to stop time with a click of his fingers. Why? It is never explained. It just is. It also seems to have no purpose whatsoever in the plot other than to deploy a special effect around him (except for Julia (Nathalie Emmanuel) who inexplicably at one pointndoesn’t seem to have time stop for her!).
Whole chunks of the film come and go without closure or explanation. At one point the annoying fuckwit Clodio Pulcher (Shia LaBeouf) exposes the ‘vestal virgin’ Vesta Sweetwater (Grace VanderWaal) for having carnal knowledge of Cesar. There is much uproar and some muttering about deep fakery, but you never find out what was true or not. Not that Cesar saw any of this as he was over-acting in his own, separate drug-induced movie at the time.
Over-the-top acting.
What were they all doing in this? Adam Driver, wearing a comedy haircut, must have set his previously strong career back a few notches with this. This is his “Bonfire of the Vanities”. It is no doubt partly due to the bonkers material his character is forced to come out with, but the over-acting is off the scale in places.
And Dustin Hoffman?! What lines he delivers, he delivers quite well, but I wonder if he had a change of heart mid-way through filming and realised just what a turkey he was in. He disappears from the plot (not that he ever seemed to be in it) via a bizarre ‘collapsing temple’ snippet (terrible SFX!) that reminded me a bit of Oliver Reed’s exit (for a more valid reason!) at the end of “Gladiator”.
Shia LaBeouf is completely off the scale bonkers. One of the most bizarre acting performances of the year. If there isn’t a Supporting Actor Razzie sat on his bookshelf next year then that august committee have got things seriously wrong. I preferred to see him swinging through the trees with those damn CGI monkeys than this.
Jon Voight also overacts, spouts nonsense (as Mark Kermode wryly commented “Not a big stretch for Voight”) and is involved in one of the most bizarre killings in cinema history as he whips a toy bow and arrow out from under the bedclothes! Really, you couldn’t make this stuff up!
Thank God for the women.
Females generally don’t come off well in this film. They hold none of the high-ranking positions and spend most of the film being scantily clad vacuous bimbos with their tits out commending the men on a job well done. That being said, the two actors who come out of this best (if you ignore the rubbish they are forced to speak) are Nathalie Emmanuel, playing Cesar’s love interest Julia, and Aubrey Plaza as the spectacularly named TV presenter Wow Platinum.
“Captain America vs Cyclops” does the Special Effects better.
Every summer I have had fun with two of my grandkids filming episodes of an epic Marvel-esque series called “Captain America vs Cyclops”. This obviously makes regular use of green screens. Let me tell you, my amateur efforts there are better than some of the special effects in this movie. There is one scene in particular, where Cesar and Julia are taking an external elevator up to the roof of a building, that beggars belief for how poor it is.
Dull, dull, dull.
Above all, it’s just plain dull as it drones on with its pontificating for 158 tiresome minutes. (It feels so much longer.) Francis Ford Coppola – the director of such classics as “The Godfather”, “Apocalypse Now” and “The Conversation” – invested $120 million of his own money to make this after he couldn’t otherwise get it financed (I wonder why?!) I’m sorry, but it’s just shockingly bad. The world seems to agree: at the time of writing it has failed to top $2 million at the box office.
Curiously, when I challenged a positive review on Facebook with my thoughts, the reviewer replied with the interesting comment “I don’t know… I guess people aren’t in the mood for comedies this year”. I agreed that, yes, it is laughable in places. But I went back and pointed out that IMDB categorises it as “Sci Fi Epic / Fantasy /Drama” with no mention of Comedy. He was having none of it and claimed that IMDB was wrong! I really don’t think this was Coppola’s intention! While it does have the occasional lurch into “Hail Caesar!” territory, I’m sure it is meant to be taken as a serious drama. (Mind you, if they HAD gone out to make a comedy, this might have had legs! For many scenes, you only have to add the laughter track: I await the BluRay comedy re-dux with anticipation!)
Summary Thoughts on “Megalopolis”
It’s truly dire. If you have to buy a ticket to see it, don’t waste your money. If one day it turns out that this is “Coppola’s misunderstood masterpiece”, then feel free to print off this review, send it to me and I’ll video myself eating it for your delectation.
By the way, I was challenged by the aforementioned Rev Andy Godfrey as to why I would give it any fraction of a star at all. It’s because there are the tiniest glimpses of brilliance in the mud. A scene where we flashback to a car death, before an animated sequence showing a pair of twins, tweaked my interest. So that’s where the half star comes from.
Where to Watch it (Powered by Justwatch)
Trailer for “Megalopolis”:
The trailer is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pq6mvHZU0fc .
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This is another great review by Stuart Wren pointing out one thing I did knew but didn’t recognise (that this is the first acting job for Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman since “Midnight Cowboy”, but they don’t share as scene which is a shame) and one thing I didn’t know (that Jason Schwartzman is the son of Talia Shire).
https://stulovesfilm.com/2024/09/29/megalopolis/