A One Mann’s Movies review of “Haunted Mansion” (2023).
You often get a feel for the target audience for a film from the adverts and trailers that get played before it starts. Films aimed at kids are all toys and “Troll” previews. Teens is video games and “Hunger Games” trailers. Adults is electric cars and “Strays”! As I commented to the illustrious Mrs Movie Man before “Haunted Mansion” started, the ads and trailers were all over the board. Which implied to me that the cinema chain had no idea who the target audience is for this film, and having watched it I have some sympathy.
Bob the Movie Man Rating:
Plot Summary:
Ben Matthias (LaKeith Stanfield) is a top physicist who has fallen on hard times and is doing tours of New Orleans for tourists. The one thing he won’t stand is any talk of ghosts: “Ghosts don’t exist” he rants “We are all just dirt”. However, when Father Kent (Owen Wilson) offers him a lucrative job to use his science to investigate the strange goings on in the new home of Harriet (Tiffany Haddish) and her 9-year-old son Travis (Chase Dillon) he is forced to reevaluate his past beliefs.
Certification:
UK: 12A; US: PG-13. (From the BBFC web site: “Moderate horror”.)
Talent:
Starring: LaKeith Stanfield, Tiffany Haddish, Chased Dillon, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jared Leto, Rosario Dawson.
Directed by: Justin Simien.
Written by: Katie Dippold.
Twitter Handle: #HauntedMansion.
Out of her goldfish bowl for once, Jamie Lee Curtis as Madame Leota. (Source: Disney).
“Haunted Mansion” Review:
Positives:
- LaKeith Stanfield is a brilliant actor. I found him mesmeric to watch in this. I just wish he was in a much better film. Stanfield was, of course, nominated for Best Supporting Actor for “Judas and the Black Messiah” but it can’t be long before the guy has a golden statuette to put on his toilet cistern.
- As with “Pirates of the Carribean”, “Tomorrowland” and more recently “Jungle Cruise“, there is a certain nostalgia involved in revisiting favourite aspects of these well-loved Disney attractions. Spotting the orangey striped vertical wallpaper, I nudged the illustrious Mrs Movie Man and whispered “Eh up, the stretchy lift”!
- There are one or two clever lines in the film that made me chuckle.
Negatives:
- The story is so wishy-washy and nondescript, it’s was difficult for me to get readily invested in it. It was just a showcase for a lot of special effect ghost imagery, the odd (pretty lame) jump-scare and for the likes of Jamie Lee Curtis and Danny DeVito to top up their pensions.
- Who is this aimed at? Because the film is not (I would say) really suitable for under-eights due to the potential fuel for nightmares. Any teens will not find this scary enough: it is not a patch for example on the excellent “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark“. Kids in between these ages will probably go “meh, yes, it was OK”. Adults, like us, will be looking at their watches about 90 minutes in (it’s just over 2 hours long). I saw this on Friday evening…. and there were five other people in the cinema.
Monkey?
There is no mid-credit or end-credit scene.
Summary Thoughts on ”Haunted Mansion”
I noticed that all of the Disney executives in the movie division are listed in the end-credits of the film. So we know who the guilty parties are. These people really need to wake up, and learn from the monumental success of “Barbie“. They need to learn that the lazy option of churning out theme park movies and remakes of animated features is no substitute for innovative writing and a new and novel idea.
My recommendation? Unless you have a small-human in the possible sweet-spot of 9 to 12 years old, I’m afraid this simply not one worthy of your movie dollar.
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Trailer for “Haunted Mansion”:
The trailer is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjLKTz81bj8 .
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