A One Mann’s Movies review of “Bullet Train” (2022).
“Bullet Train” is a popcorn-munching summer action-comedy that is very loud, very violent and completely nonsensical. If this bullet train film sounds like your kind of movie… then it probably is!
The “snakes” in my title by the way are both physical, in the form of a deadly reptile, and metaphorical, in the form of a whole bunch of low-life villains pitched into the same mode of transport for ‘kicks and giggles’.
Bob the Movie Man Rating(s):
Plot Summary:
“The Son” (Logan Lerman) is a down-on-his-luck Japanese hoodlum that has just had his son thrown off the top of a building. Shamed by his father (“Lost”‘s Hiroyuki Sanada), he boards a Shinkansen (bullet train) bound for Kyoto to find the person responsible and avenge his son. But also on the train are an assortment of mob contractors, hit-men and an operative (Brad Pitt) all there for reasons of work, greed or revenge.
Little do they know that their diverse missions are all somehow connected.
Certification:
Talent:
Starring: Brad Pitt, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Joey King, Brian Tyree Henry, Hiroyuki Sanada, Logan Lerman, Michael Shannon, Sandra Bullock, Zazie Beetz, Bad Bunny + other assorted cameos!
Directed by: David Leitch.
Written by: Zak Olkewicz, based on the book by Kôtarô Isaka.
Twitter Handles: #BulletTrain, #BulletTrainMovie.
“Bullet Train” Review:
Positives:
- “Bullet Train” is like the bastard movie love-child of Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie. So if you like these director’s movies then you may very well enjoy this. It’s very fond of giving ‘titles’ to all of its characters (“The Son”, “The Father”, “The Wolf”, “The Hornet”, etc) and then interrupting the action to give backstories to those characters. As with some of the best of Tarantino and Ritchie’s output, this is often highly entertaining: there seemed to be a lot of Tarantino in a Mexican wedding-scene flashback!
- I’d like to say that “Bullet Train” is a ‘park your brain at the door’ action movie, but you actually have to keep your wits about you to keep track of the multitude of villains being thrown at you and what their specific motives are. When all of these diverse stories mesh, it’s quite satisfying. And a twist that explains the involvement of Brad Pitt’s character – Ladybug – in the whole thing is neat and generated a laugh from this reviewer.
- Brad Pitt is really very good doing the whole deadpan comedy stuff. A slow-motion crash scene is particularly snort-worthy. And he just oozes charisma.
- I also liked Joey King, playing a “Hit Girl” style teen avenger. I’ve not seen her in anything before (she was in the teen-hit “Kissing Booth” films), but she made for an interesting character.
Negatives:
- Some of the characters are just plain annoying. “The Twins” – Tangerine and Lemon – played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry – dial the Cockney accents up to 11 in Dick van Dyke style. Taylor-Johnson is particularly grating. And although Lemon’s Thomas The Tank Engine fixations are amusing at first, the trait gets seriously overplayed. (This is a shame, since an interaction between the two later in the film delivers some much needed pathos and is actually very moving).
- The violence involved in this one is pretty horrific, and will put a lot of people off. The illustrious Mrs Movie Man – never averse to a bit of sanitised violence in the style of “Die Hard” or “Air Force One” – spent a good proportion of this movie with her hands over her eyes. Yes, the violence is cartoonish, in the “Deadpool” / “Tom and Jerry” vein. BUT HOW ON EARTH THE BBFC THINK THIS IS A ’15’ RATHER THAN AN ’18’ ESCAPES ME!
- If you are looking for any form of believability in your action movie, please look elsewhere. The external shenanigans on the bullet train make the finale of “Misson Impossible” look like a documentary. And all of the characters seem to generally survive all sorts of unsurvivable smashes.
Summary Thoughts on “Bullet Train”:
It’s a bullet train movie. But Shakespeare it is not! Directed by “Deadpool 2” director David Leitch, “Bullet Train” is similarly loud, brash and very violent. But it is also, spasmodically, very entertaining, moving and – most importantly – very funny. It does, just about, pass the six-laughs test, with some of these involving some nicely placed cameos. (With these, the film actually reunites three stars from another of this year’s action comedy hits! Click on this link if you want the spoiler of which one!)
I have to tell you that I originally gave this just 3 stars, but in writing this review and re-living some of the comedy moments in my head, I upped it a little. If I couldn’t find anything else to watch (and the output at my local Cineworld this summer does seem to be pretty stagnant), I might even go and give this one a rewatch.
Trailer for “Bullet Train”
The trailer is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IOsk2Vlc4o .
This the dumbest movie I have seen. I watched it on pay per view and feel like I just wasted $6.00. DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY. If this what Brad Pitt stars in now it appears his career is over. Give up now and save your image of days gone by
Each to his or her own. I know some who absolutely love this one and some (like you) who have bought it a waste of celluloid. I was somewhere in between.
Thanks for commenting!