A One Mann’s Movies review of “A Minecraft Movie” (2025).
There was a moment while watching “A Minecraft Movie” when I felt like I should perhaps nip out and do a drug test. To say that this is anything other than a mental fever-dream would be lying.
Bob the Movie Man Rating:
(I originally rated this with 3 stars, but having slept on it I think I was way over-generous.)
but for kids:
“A Minecraft Movie” Plot:
Steve (Bram Scott-Breheny and then Jack Black) always dreams of going into the local mine in search of his fortune. One day he does and activates a portal to a fantasy world where you can build anything your imagination can think of… as long as it’s block shaped. But under the ‘Overworld’ is a Hellish ‘Netherworld’ ruled over by an evil witch, Malgosha (Rachel House), who is obsessed by gold. Trapping Steve, it is up to four strangers from the real world to rescue him and restore order.
Certification:
UK: PG; US: PG. (From the BBFC web site: “Mild violence, scary scenes, language”. )
Talent:
Starring: Jack Black, Jason Momoa, Sebastian Hansen, Emma Myers, Danielle Brooks, Jennifer Coolidge, Rachel House, Bram Scott-Breheny.
Directed by: Jared Hess.
Written by: Chris Bowman, Hubbel Palmer, Neil Widener, Gavin James & Chris Galletta. (Based on a story by Allison Schroeder, Chris Bowman & Hubbel Palmer.)
Running Time: 1h 41m.
“A Minecraft Movie” Summary:
Positives:
- I’m sure kids will love the utterly manic energy of the thing.
- Jennifer Coolidge is hilarious.
- The film has a few laugh-out-loud gags for adults.
- Love the Lava Chicken song!
Negatives:
- It’s manically uneven, as if written by a huge writing team…… (oh!)… who may or may not have been smoking drugs.
- Kids may get bored with the slow real-world set-up.
- Was there really a need for the swearing?
Review of “A Minecraft Movie”:
Everything is turned to 12.
The moment you see Jack Black’s Steve, you know that this is not going to be a subtle performance. He plays it like he is plugged into the mains: less ‘chewing the scenary’ and more swallowing it whole and crapping it out as firelighters. And that basically sums up the whole movie for me. Jason Momoa’s Garrett “The Garbage Man” goes around wearing gear that wouldn’t look wrong at a Gay Pride march. Yet never is it suggested that he is gay, or it is even questioned or referenced. Realtor (Estate Agent) Dawn (Danielle Brookes) drives around with zoo animals on or in her car for no readily apparent reason.
Generally, everyone is delivering the lines as if their mother’s are tied up in a basement and being threatened by a chain-saw-wielding maniac. The landscape of the ‘Overworld’ is also an assault on the senses: incredibly brash and noisy.
Patchy material.
It really didn’t surprise me that this had five different writers, because frankly that’s what it felt like. And if they were all shut in a writer’s room it wouldn’t surprise me if the faint whiff of marijuana was wafting from under the door. Aside from ‘Steve’ and ‘The Garbage Man’, the other three characters in the gang are poorly written and almost superfluous in the film. The script is incredibly uneven, with as many gags (e.g. the zoo animals) falling flat as landing. This is not to say that the script doesn’t have a number of funny lines and I laughed out loud a few times. For example, I did enjoy Dawn describing Henry (Sebastian Hansen) as having “Good Frodo vibes” (and he really does!)
Will kids enjoy this? Yes, I think so, particularly those who enjoy playing the Minecraft game. The youngsters in my screening seemed to be bubbly and enthusiastic on the way out, with another hoard outside in the foyer (one clutching a Minecraft stuffed toy) about to go in again. (Good news for Easter cinema owners I think.) However, we do spend quite a long time with set-up in the ‘real world’ before the four misfit adventurers arrive. I can see some towards the younger end of the audience getting fidgetty during this segment.
Black Sings!
Jack Black, he of Tenacious-D, does get a few short opportunities to belt out some songs. My favourite was his “Lava Chicken” jingle: very catchy. As an interesting point, I noticed one Dave Grohl in the list of musicians in the end-titles!
Jennifer Coolidge has Tanya vibes.
Having shot to mega-stardom through her portrayal of the luckless Tanya in the brilliant “The White Lotus” on TV, Jennifer Coolidge again channels a good deal of Tanya into her performance as the school’s Vice Principal Marlene. Her “Greg” here though is a very different character altogether! Coolidge managed to consistently deliver laughs for me though during her sequences.
Cut the crap!
The film is a PG and it deserves this for the slightly scary, if cartoonish, scenes of the netherworld creatures in attack mode. But I really question whether the script needed Jack Black repeatedly saying “crap” so much (if at all).
Monkeys?
Yes, the film has both a mid-credit (actually, early credit) monkey as well as a funny post credit one.
Summary Thoughts on “A Minecraft Movie”
An exhausting children’s film that is scattergun in its humour. It has enough comedy in there to perhaps just about appeal to drag-along parents but I recommend packing some Paracetamol for the journey home.
Where to Watch it (Powered by Justwatch)
Trailer for “A Minecraft Movie”:
The trailer is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8B1EtVPBSMw.
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