A One Mann’s Movies review of “Men in Black International” (2019).
One Mann’s Movies Rating:
Certification:
UK: 12; US: PG-13.
Let me start by saying that this was a delightful trip out to the cinema, since I was treated to a “Five Guys” burger and fries (naughty diet points!), a BIG bag of Jelly Babies and a movie by my son as a Father’s Day treat. (Thanks George! xx).
But then we have to consider the portion of this delight that was the film itself…
A dismal summer so far.
It really has been a pretty dismal summer season in the UK so far – and I’m not just talking about the June weather. The “summer blockbuster” films out to date have been lacklustre at best. Even those forecast (with the exception of “Yesterday” and possibly the new “Spider-man”) don’t particularly excite. “Men in Black International”, without Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones, looked like a mistake and indeed it proved to be so.
Power-up. Agent-M (Tessa Thompson) and Agent H (Chris Hemsworth) suited, booted and ready for action. (Source: Columbia Pictures)
The Plot.
It’s a patchy story at best. New rookie MiB agent “M” (does this mean there are never more than 26 of them around the world?) played by Tessa Thompson teams up with ‘dreamboat’ agent H (Chris Hemsworth) to try to prevent an evil alien entity called “The Hive” from taking ownership of an ultimate weapon, currently in possession of H’s regal alien friend Vungus. H & M (hey, that would be a good name for a clothing store!) go to protect Vungus. But two Hive operatives (played by Laurent and Larry Bourgeois) are way ahead of them. How did they know? Is there a more dangerous enemy? A mole within the MiB organization itself?
Pawny bordering on Jar-Jar Binks annoying. Surprisingly, he’s voiced by star of “The Big Sick” and upcoming “Stuber”, Kumail Nanjiani. (Source: Columbia Pictures).
Chemistry? Nope – it’s a damp squib.
Thompson and Hemsworth! Back on the screen together again! The “Ragnarok” part 2 we’ve all been waiting for! Turn the sizzle-o-meter up to 11 and stand well back!
Er… no. Landed with a truly dire script to perform, the duo’s on-screen chemistry just never materialises. Tessa Thompson is actually fine, but Chris Hemsworth just seems to be a monotone and annoyingly glib “Thor” redux. It came as a genuine shock to me at the end of the film, where sad scenes of parting are required, that there was supposed to be any emotional attachment between the couple developed at all. Very poor and disappointing.
A worried man, given there’s a mole in his organization. Liam Neeson as the aptly named head of the London division… High T. (Source: Columbia Pictures).
And that script….
It’s by two of the “Iron Man” writers, Art Marcum and Matt Holloway, so you might think it should have legs: but, no, the screenplay is as clunky as hell. It might appeal to 10 to 12 year olds (though the film has a UK 12A certificate), but it serves little other than to rather randomly connect the action scenes. And if you want to put £10,000 at 1:50 odds before you go in on who the mole will be, you’ll be pretty happy with the £200 bonus.
Kevin Maher‘s waspish review in “The Times” rather cynically referred to the dialogue as being simple enough to be “easily dubbed” (into Chinese). But having seen the film, I fear there is a lot of truth in that.
H&M looking for ideas in a desert. Rather sums up the film. (Source: Columbia Pictures).
Any saving blessings?
There are limited elements to recommend the film.
- Dame Emma Thompson pops up (again! Is she saving for her pension?) in the Vincent D’Onofrio role of the head of the New York unit. Her early scenes with Tessa Thompson work well (“MEN in Black? Really?”) and this – together with a cute animation of the Columbia Pictures title – make you think “Hey, this might not be so bad after all”.
- Rebecca Ferguson – I won’t hear ANYTHING bad said against her! – is far too good for the scenes she gets (little more than a cameo), but adds much needed energy as the well-armed (sic) arms dealer .
- Only occasionally does the comedy in the writing raise a titter: there’s a nice hammer tribute to Thor, and a scene where Ferguson spits out “Are you sh*tting me?”.
- Although a heterosexual male, I CAN appreciate how people of the opposite persuasion might want to just go and gape at Hemsworth: he certainly looks better in this film than in “Avengers: Endgame“!
Finding a well hidden entrance to MiB. Tessa Thompson, pre-M. (Source: Columbia Pictures).
Final thoughts.
I’ve never been a massive fan of the Men in Black films, but at least Barry Sonnenfeld‘s original trilogy had some verve and originality. Here Sonnenfeld has ducked, and “Fate of the Furious” director F. Gary Gray has the reins. And it feels like a distant relative to the originals.
My recommendation would be to skip this one, and catch one of the originals on streaming somewhere.
