A One Mann’s Movies review of “Best. Christmas. Ever!” (2023).
Against my better judgement (it’s still November for Heaven’s sake!), for the next edition of the Flickering Dreams podcast we’ve agreed to review the new set of Christmas films on streaming services. So, I have four Christmas-themed films to watch starting with “Best. Christmas. Ever!” on Netflix. Things have not got off to a positive start!
Bob the Movie Man Rating:
Plot Summary:
Charlotte Sanders (Heather Graham) is appalled every year at the crassness and OBVIOUS exaggeration expressed in the Christmas newsletter of her former-friend Jackie Jennings (Brandy Norwood). When her son slyly tricks her into a visit just before Christmas, Charlotte is shocked to find that most of what she has been saying appears true. This results in Charlotte desperately scratching around the luxury house to try to find cracks in the story and uncovers suspicions about a relationship between Jackie and her husband Rob (Jason Biggs).
Certification:
UK: PG; US: PG-TV. (From the BBFC web site: “Sex references, violence”.).
Talent:
Starring: Heather Graham, Brandy Norwood, Jason Biggs, Matt Cedeño, Madison Skye Validum, Wyatt Hunt, Abby Villasmil.
Directed by: Mary Lambert.
Written by: Todd Calgi Gallicano & Charles Shyer. (Based on a story by Todd Calgi Gallicano).
Twitter Handle: #BestChristmasEver.
Running Time: 1h 22m.
The precocious and appealing Madison Skye Validum, sandwiched between Brandy Norwood and Heather Graham. (Sources: Netflix).
“Best. Christmas. Ever!” Review:
Positives:
- As only 82 minutes, the torture is thankfully brief.
- The standout performance in here is from young Madison Skye Validum as the precocious Beatrix Jennings. Validum is supposed to be playing a bit of a brat, and she delivers on that well. She manages to act with a certain ‘je ne sais quois’ style to it.
Negatives:
(Ugh! It’s difficult to know where to start on this festering turd of a Christmas movie!)
- The acting in the main is teeth-achingly poor. This is especially true for Brandy Norwood who deserves a Razzie nomination for the performance. Virtually every one of her lines ends with an affected giggle and a clap of the hands that grated with me enormously. Then, when she spits out the “erasers at the end of pencils” line (so magnificently – first? – used in “Fleabag”) without comic timing or finesse, I genuinely wanted to vomit. (True, the lady can sing. But it’s that sort of Mariah-esque trilling that again sets my teeth on edge. Though I admit this critique is probably a personal one.)
- The story feels to consist, in the main, of a series of actions by Charlotte that are mean-spirited and decidedly non-festive.
- The script has moments that are utterly preposterous:
- Would you really trust your 10(-ish) year old to program your sister’s address into the sat-nav and then blindly follow in? Surely you would have a rough idea of where your sister lived and realise you were not going there!?
- Why, in a house full of panoramic windows, does it take an hour of the film before someone notices there is a fecking huge hot-air balloon moored in the garden?
- When a balloon ladder (in an impossibly unlikely incident) snags a sleigh on the roof, Charlotte throws caution to the wind and climbs down the ladder and INTO the sleigh! I was WILLING the sleigh to detach again and send her crashing to the snowy ground in a bloody mess. (Is that un-Christmassy of me?)
- Special effects use is extremely poor with terrible green-screen work and photoshopped pictures that even I could have done a better job with.
- The schmaltzy ending had me again reaching for my sick-bag.
Matt Cedeño as the hunky Valentino. (There’s a scene in here that the ladies will appreciate). With (clockwise) Brandy Norwood,
Abby Villasmil, Madison Skye Validum and Wyatt Hunt. (Source: Netflix).
Parental Warning.
A subplot of the movie has the hyper-intelligent and analytical Beatrix (Madison Skye Validum) on a mission to prove to the Sanders kids that Santa doesn’t exist. (Like I say, the film is preposterous!) Given that the evidence presented is extremely convincing (until the argument is up-ended by the turn of events), this might get younger kids raising some difficult questions to parents.
Summary Thoughts on “Best. Christmas. Ever!”
It’s truly awful. Avoid at all costs.
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Trailer for “Best. Christmas. Ever!”:
The trailer is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2deV7cUtS0E .
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